Stuff n things

Saw my therapist today and she was praising me on the progress I have made in the last year. It's difficult for me to see that. It's hard to remember exactly what things were like 1 year ago... but as I think more about it, I remember I was very unhappy. I was probably the lowest I have ever been. I was so depressed, so anxious, all the time. I had been going through some med changes for several months and was just feeling so off. I really didn't imagine I'd ever find any form of happiness.

I began seeing my current therapist, Caley, about 1 year ago. I have met with her once a week since then and she has really helped me so much. The therapy we do is called DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I leave every session feeling pretty amazing or a strong sense of relief. I am a huge proponent for therapy; I think everyone could benefit from one form of therapy or another regardless of how their personal life is going. What an amazing feeling to be able to say whatever you want without fear, to an objective, 3rd party individual. She's really able to see the bigger picture and help me put things together. I have a ways to go, but progress is what I'm after right now.

My client's mother notified me this morning that she wouldn't be at school today or tomorrow as I was on my way to work. I was told there was no coverage available, so I went home! I was able to make a to-do list and tackle some items I've been putting off: putting away 2 week old clean laundry, making a dr. appt for my feet with a specialist (been putting that one off since January!), etc. I also wrote my neice and nephew letters and colored them pictures, went to therapy, played with the dogs, studied scriptures and Come Follow Me. It's been productive.

It's been nice to have the day off today. I think I needed it. The weekends have been rough lately and it was nice to have a relaxing day.

I was able to take the sacrament yesterday and was hopeful I'd be able to go to the temple this week. My bishop wants me to have another good week and take the sacrament and then says that will help prepare me to go to the temple. I was without a recommend for about 14 months or so and just got it back right before Christmas. I had it for a few weeks before slipping and then slipping again and again. It's been super frustrating. I want to be better, get better, do better, but I find it difficult to find the motivation required. I'm trying.

I've been going to meetings, last week I shared about how the nature of my addiction is a big source of shame still and that if I am to feel comfortable and move forward I needed to speak that to the group. I was able to, through many tears, share the nature of my addiction and feel accepted by the group. Man, I just want to wake up without this addiction, without the temptations. Wouldn't that be nice? I haven't looked at the manual at all since the last meeting - haven't opened my study materials at all between meetings this week. Still have a few more days...